The Lapwing Oval

The Lapwing Oval - Our famous old field, now sadly demised...

Welcome to The Lapwing Oval, home to the Kieviten Purple Helmets which is, by common consent, one of the most picturesque cricket stadia in the world. We hope you enjoy your visit, and suggest that you use this guide to help you capture the spirit and atmosphere that permeates throughout this marvellous arena.

You have just arrived in the Matthew Wright Car Park. Please take a moment to observe the shattered windscreen glass throughout the area, testimony to another bowling session by the left armed maestro! Do not duck for cover however, as that would mean missing the splendour of the:

Fazil Mahmood Memorial Gates (1). These wrought iron gates were erected in tribute to one of the true cricketing legends. Marvel at the bronze likeness of Fazil atop the gates, together with a very unusual weather vane, in the form of a hobby horse. Look closer, and you will see the inscription "Pump It Up" above the Mahmood family crest, which is comprised of Fruits, Shoe and Gears. After passing through the gates, which incidentally do squeak all de time, walk along the hedge lined thoroughfare resisting the temptation to enter the hallowed arena. Continue walking until you see the bridge over the River Ferry, which runs alongside two sides of the oval. Turn to your left and you will see the newly renovated

Firkin Scoreboard (2) At first glance this scoreboard may seem quite ordinary in comparison to the rest of the Lapwing Oval, but it does boast some interesting features. Firstly, It is not possible for the total of runs recorded for Batsman No 1 to exceed the number of overs bowled. Secondly, no provision is made in the scoreboard for the recording of a three figure score for any one batsman. Finally, if two batsmen get into double figures, every other batsman is restricted to single figures. Having taken all this in, turn around and enjoy the magnificence of the view which beholds you. Walk to your left, and you will see

The Purple Helmeted Members and Players enclosure (3) This rather dilapidated, but charming stand, is not properly protected from the elements, but is a listed building and offers unrivalled views of the Kieviten batsmen walking disconsolately from the crease while the opposition celebrate wildly. This is also recognised as the best spot to hear the famous Kieviten banter with opponents. To the left of this stand is

The Kieviten Dames Ladies Pavilion (4) One unusual, but very welcome, feature of the Lapwing Oval is the unparalleled sunbathing opportunities that are offered to the female spectators. Indeed, so important was this feature that when the famous Hill was flattened, a new purpose built stand was erected in its place. This stand is now the Ladies Pavilion, and is often thronged with sun worshipers on matchdays. Misfield here at your peril!

Avert your gaze, and stroll along the tree lined boundary at the Car Park end. Admire the newly painted sightscreen, which although beautifully crafted is sadly missing one unusual characteristic of years gone by. Previously, the top of the sightscreen was white, whereas the lower half was a mottled mix of red and white. However, since the club have acquired a wicket-keeper who can actually catch a ball, the sightscreens are no longer being peppered by byes! Continue walking along the Car Park End boundary, and look at the furthest corner of the ground. Here you will find the current home of one of the most amazing features of the Lapwing Oval:

The George Headley Stand (5) This is a truly unique landmark. It is the only mobile stand in the whole of the cricketing world. Rumour has it that this stand has even been known to move during matches, although this cannot be confirmed. However this stand, which is normally populated by Rastafarians, is currently strategically placed in front of the beautifully manicured green of the golf course, and the River Ferry, which it is rumoured contains a high percentage of alcohol. Another belt of trees guide your eyes towards the magnificent structure which runs all along the Eastern boundary.

The Three J’s Stand (6) is indeed a feat of engineering. Named after three of the great Kieviten hero’s of bat, ball and fielding - respectively Job Haring, Jack Jacobs, and Jan Willem de Groot, the award winning structure is a sight to behold. Wonder at the way the sun glints on the shiny top tier. Gasp as the moving parts of the clock swing into action. Marvel at the sheer size of the rear of the stand. The Three J’s is also the home of the telecommunications centre, which allows instant telephone contact with anywhere in the world. Underneath The Three J’s you will find the state of the art Bram van Alphen Medical Centre, named after its most regular customer. Here is the world famous research centre into bruises and breaks. After you have signed the visitor’s plaster cast, continue walking along the Eastern boundary until you come to the cluster of trees in the corner. This corner, known as Farmer Birch’s CowMcKenzie Speedster both of which will be used for the first time in the Sixes tournament later this season.
is the chosen spot for the Video replay screen, and the

You are now at the Bell End, named after the landowner who donated the field in 1872. Nowadays the Bell End is best known for the Colbran-Eddie Stands (7) based on a similar structure at Lord’s. These two stands also house the Mitchell Media Centre, named in honour of the Hebridean media magnate who supplied all the televisual facilities in the Oval. This centre was opened by all the members of the Test Match Special team, who attended the Holland - South Africa match in Amsterdam in 1998. Aggers was heard to remark that dear old Jonner’s would have relished commentating from such a lofty perch. Behind the Colbran-Eddie you will see the mooring point for the many punts which float up and down the River Ferry every day. If you are lucky, and one of the Kieviten Spin Twins is bowling, you may even see a ball being fished out of the cut with a net!

Now you are back at the scoreboard, and if play is in progress and the home side are batting you will no doubt notice that the Firkin Score hasn’t changed much in the intervening 40 minutes! Continue walking out of the ground and you will see signposts for the

Lapwing Indoor School (8). This outstanding edifice not only houses indoor practice facilities, but also the Major Ashcroft Assault Course. Here one can learn how to climb through razor wire as well as using the "After Hours Entry Into Public House simulator". The Gatting Banqueting Suite is also signposted here.

Finally, cross back over behind the Bell End, and savour the Kerkhoven Outdoor Nets (9). To either side of the nets you will find a long pole which can be used to retrieve the ball from the roof of the net.

We hope you have enjoyed your visit to The Lapwing Oval, and look forward to welcoming you back in the near future when you can visit the Nursery - Second Team pitch - , the Museum - where you will find such relics as the scorecard from the last time the seconds scored more than 100, in 1926 -, and the Hall of Fame where you will find waxwork images of all the hero’s of the Lapwing Oval - Messrs George, Senhouse, Blake to name but three.